A moment of pause for reflection. Years ago when Teagan was first stolen from me, and me from her, I got given some advice. "Write letters to Teagan and keep them in a box to give to her when we finally get to meet." A way of showing I was always thinking about her seems to be the justification. But what would these letters say? Obviously I could talk about myself and what I was doing, but what would I say to Teagan? A little girl I wasn't allowed to know anything about. An imaginary daughter. Reinforced with every letter written.. and to a box not a person.

And a box that she may never see. I have been suffering some terrible health problems and its entirely possible I may not live long enough to meet her. Let alone hand her a box. The box idea was not a means of comfort, it was an object of self torture, as cruel as trying to buy presents for someone I wasn't allowed to know anything about. How could I know what what she liked or not?

The letters to the box haunted me. I must be able to do better than that. And so it has now become, the electronic online version of the letters to the box, only with a crucial difference. This box will be found. This box will be found far sooner than the cruel Lucy will expect. And if I am unlucky enough not to live long enough to see my beautiful little girl, this box will endure long after I am gone.

But until this website was written, from the ground-up, and the painful content added, the letters to the imaginary box still haunted me.

I cannot begin to describe how difficult building this website from scratch was. At 53 years old with all my computer skills in the old style system programming paradigm, I had no real web programming skills. But something happened which forced my hand, and I suppose in a sense, much of the credit for forcing me to learn these skills and produce this site must go to Lucy herself.

How ironic. The level of cruelty shown by Lucy when I was desperately ill flicked a switch of some kind in me. But that story will make another article. For now I must try to enjoy the moment as the site is essentially complete, and the day when my little girl finds her Daddy is now not so far away.

So my first letter to the box is done. It is the box itself, the box that will be found. With that assurance I can gain some hope that my subsequent letters will make it to Teagan, and that at last I start to share with her in a way that hopefully wont tear me apart. The letters to the box demons have finally been exorcised.