2010 October

Lucy and I first meet in the fields of Ashington

We chatted for a while and joked about looking for lost keys. Lucy had her dog (Barney) with her. We threw the ball for Barney, and then went our separate ways to pick mushrooms from different areas.

2011 September

Early season this year, obviously known to us both for we meet again in the fields of Ashington.

We chatted again and got to know each other a little. We searched for mushrooms together and upon acquiring a few Lucy invited me back to hers for a cuppa. I remember spending a few hours there, maybe we exchanged phone details, but there were no more meetings for another year.

2012 October

Season a bit later this year. Obviously judging the right time is an acquired skill. Which we both shared, for again we meet in the fields of Ashington

Having got to know each other quite well at this point, we went off in search of our objective together, chatting and laughing while we walked. Having gained Lucy's trust she led the way and showed me the much better fields on the other side of the road to where I had been looking. The locals tend to know the best spots after all.

After a much more successful picking adventure I again got invited back to Lucy's house in Ashington. We got to know each other a little more and we spent some time together.

A short time later Lucy came to stay at mine. For the first few days we enjoyed each others company as a romance gradually developed. After a couple of weeks of intense passion with no time to ourselves, the novelty wears off a little as both need some space, and Lucy goes back home.

2012 November

To be honest the details have largely been forgotten for this period. There were some good times and some bad times, as in any relationship. Towards the end of the month Lucy found out she was pregnant and during an argument told me she regretted being impregnated by 'Peter Pan', presumably referring to my playful nature at the time. I wish I could remember more, but no significantly bad things were done to or by either of us

2012 December

As winter set in, travel to and from Lucy's got more difficult as I had an ageing motorbike with an unknown flaw in the drivetrain that made driving on the fast icy roads dangerous. One evening Lucy requested I come over to help her out as she was suffering extreme morning sickness, but things quickly turned into a row and I never made it over. To this day I regret not making the journey, even though the bike was dangerous and the weather was bad.

2013 January

We never got to see each other over Christmas and Lucy messaged me to tell me the relationship was over and that she was going to abort Teagan. I pleaded with her not to do this, and to try and make things work, but Lucy had decided she wanted nothing more to do with me.

2013 February

I got the terrible text from Lucy saying the abortion had been performed. It was devastating news as this would have been my only child.

After a few days of sadness, and not quite believing Lucy would do this, I asked her son Bradley if Teagan had truly been aborted. Bradley confirmed the abortion had been completed and now I just had to accept that I had lost my child. Here Bradley Milner played his part to rob Teagan, his own sister, of her Dad.

2014 March

I sent Lucy a text wishing her well, no point holding grudges, but no reply came

2014 29th June

Received a totally unexpected text from Lucy. A conversation started up, luckily I said all the right things, and I was first made aware that Teagan existed. The line where she finally let me know is highlighted in yellow. But look what Lucy asks me to bring in the middle of introducing my daughter's existence and her name! To this day I do not know whether she wanted Teagan to have her Dad or if she just wanted drugs? I suppose the reader (and Teagan one day) will have to decide.

Click the button below to read the entire conversation.

So for the first and only time I got to see my little girl. It was a strange experience as until this day I had no idea she existed due to the abortion lies. I was of course overjoyed to see her, but I was I confess in a state of total shock. I did my best to hide the shock and try and make the most of the moment. Teagan was just learning how to blow raspberries, so I joined in and over an hour or so we perfected her technique. I took as many photos as I could, but nowhere near enough. I held her as much as I could, but nowhere near enough.

When it came to staying the night, Lucy wanted me to share the bed, but not to go anywhere near her. That was ok, I was in shock anyway, and in such a state there wasn't much room for any more emotions. The next day arrived and I went and did shopping for some medicines and other bits. It felt good to be doing things to support what there was of my family. I made the most of every moment, taking more photos and watching Teagan's every move.

I stayed for another night under same conditions as the night before. Prior to the surprise discovery that Teagan was alive I had arranged a small party at my flat with some friends. Now I really had something to celebrate and I felt I needed some time to absorb the reality of having a child I never knew I had. I asked Lucy if it would be ok if I went ahead with the party and she said it was fine. So after a few more hours spent with my lovely baby girl I set off to celebrate and take some time to get over the shock. I had no idea at the time it would be the first and last time I ever saw Teagan

2014 10th July

After a few days recovery and mental preperation I was ready to come back and put in my best efforts to be a good Dad. I messaged Lucy and to my shock she told me never to come round again. To this day I do not know what I did wrong. Here's the text conversation in full:

2014 20th July

I dont have it recorded anywhere but I remember being given permission to give presents at birthdays and xmas. I remember that this was conditional on the presents not smelling of smoke and not being cheap. Trying to hide my disappointment I went shopping for presents and stuck to the rules. I wrote a letter to both Teagan (for when old enough to read) and Lucy to try and resolve things. I carefully recorded everything and took photos of the presents and letters in case Teagan wasn't allowed them. They can be viewed in an article in the Blog section of this website.

2014 24th July

So today is Teagan's special day, her very first birthday. I took my Mum (so Teagan's grandma) and the presents to Ashington. When I knocked at the door Lucy's brother Jim answered the door. He told me Lucy and Teagan had just gone out and he didn't know when they would be back. He seemed friendly enough and at least took the presents and letter in, but I knew he was lying. After a while waiting, I took my dear Mum to get a iced coffee drink and to have some lunch at the Red Lion pub. Afterwards we tried again to see Teagan.

This time Lucy did answer with Teagan in her arms but hidden behind a door opened only ajar. Neither Grandma Hilary nor I were allowed to see Teagan. Lucy told me I couldnt see Teagan and I should go to the courts instead. Then she shut the door. No reason for not being able to see Teagan was given. No reason has ever been given. Click the button below to read the letter to Lucy:

So that was that. A bitter first taste of the agony to come. I spent most of the next year trying to come to terms with the total loss of my only child, and hoping that Lucy would respond to the letter. No response came. No response ever came.

2014 December

And so to the first Christmas, which didn't really mean much with loss of my only child. I can't remember if I did anything. Not out of lack of caring, but because of the pain of caring too much. I have nothing recorded, and as such have to accept maybe nothing happened.

2015 23rd July

Birthday time again. It was so painful trying to choose presents for a daughter I knew nothing about. I did my best and made some guesses about what she might like. Details can be found in a blog article. I again wrote a letter to Lucy and this time came the day before Teagan's birthday to try and avoid ruining my own daughters birthday. Press the button below to read the letter.

When I arrived I got met by a hostile Jim. He said he didnt have a problem with me personally but would do anything to defend his sister which is fair enough. Not that I was threatening, I just came with presents, so there was no need for that. I remember feeling intimidated enough, that for any future visits, I would have to be prepared for the worst.

Something else happened that made me doubt my presents were getting through that I dont remember. Why did Lucy say it was ok to get presents and then not give them to Teagan? Was it simply to make me go through the pain of trying to choose for a little girl i wasnt allowed to know? Could she really be that malicious? It was beginning to look like it, and to this day I still have no better explanation for this.

2015 December

I remember little more about the second christmas than the first. Maybe nothing happened. My only recollection around this time was sitting by the road in a terrible state crying and broken. Too painful to recall any detail. All I remember is Bradley walking by on his way home. He acknowledged me but showed no compassion. I wanted to ask if he could tell me anything about Teagan but I was in too bad a state. He was in on the abortion lie anyway, so no compassion could have been expected.

2016 January

I had an idea. The only legal way to break the black-out Lucy was pulling would be to create a website in her name. The primary domain, the .com which is also the default if no domain is given when something is typed into the address bar or a browser or even into google. So I registered what I thought at the time was Teagan's full name. I only ever knew Lucy as Lucy Milner, and she may still go by that name. Its the surname of her son Bradley. I didn't know at the time that Lucy was unlikely to have credited a man she had left with another child. I didnt know the family name either. But I was unaware of this and duly registered teaganmilner.com and vowed to make a website.

Upon further consideration I realized that releasing such a site when Teagan was unable to see or understand it would be to play the only card I had too early. That would give time for Lucy to come up with some kind of name change that would make this effort futile. And besides, unknown to me at this time, Milner is not Teagan's surname.

The other problem here is that I didn't know how to program websites. Despite holding a computer science degree I basically got taught all the wrong stuff just as the internet was emerging. It was just bad timing, and it contributed to me quitting the computer industry years ago. And now, at 49 years old, it wasn't going to be easy to learn all those new skills. But its the only way to reach out to my daughter so I must learn it. All of it.

2016 July

After another year desperately hoping Lucy would change her mind and try to communicate its come round to birthday time again. I bought Teagan a lovely dolls house. I arrived the day before her birthday again for same reasons as last year. When I knocked I could see Teagan's outline through the patterned glass on the front door. Then Lucy appeared and I saw her yank Teagan sideways into the kitchen to stop her seeing me. So much for not being my daughter. Thats the DNA test for me right there. She refused to open the door to take the presents. So I posted the card and letter through the letterbox and left the huge dolls house in the porch.

I waited outside for a while and to my horror saw the card and letters pushed back through the letterbox. Now I knew the presents weren't getting through. How evil to say it was ok for me to get presents and then do this? I wont ever forget the way she yanked Teagan into the kitchen. This was when I finally realized that despite Lucy's claims, none of this was in Teagan's best interest. It was all about Lucy's best interest, and she would ruin Teagan's childhood to prove it.

Click the button below to read the letter I attempted to deliver:

2016 October

I realized at last that Lucy's position was to totally deny Teagan her father whatever I said and wrote. All those letters and all that waiting and nothing. Perhaps I was a fool to wait that long, but I simply couldn't see how conflict through the courts would speed things up.

But so much time had been lost, I had already missed the entire baby stage of my only child. So I investigated the legal route. I went for the first step which is the voluntary mediation stage. Here Lucy gets a chance to try to work things out. It is a condition of the legal process that this stage must be attempted and no resolution found. It's called a MIAM (Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting) and I duly set up the meeting.

During the meeting the true extent of the bad news became apparent. The information that was willingly offered was that the bottom line was that the process could take up to 7 years, and that there was currently about a 6 year delay before such cases can be started. So 7+6=13 years. Teagan is already three. 13+3=16. Teagan would be 16 if Lucy held out to the bitter end as I know she would. By that age and hopefully before, Teagan would be able to make the decision herself if she wanted to know her Dad. So a completely useless and unfit for purpose option right away.

But there was worse news, that wasn't as willingly offered. The truth of the matter is that even with a maximum decision in my favour, threatening the mother with prison for non-compliance, was actually without any teeth. There is no baby/child removal service from the courts. What happens with non-compliance at the final stage is that when the case goes back before the judge, he/she decides that its not in the childs best interest for the mother to go to prison. The whole father's right is just an illusion. There is no right, just an application for an official document that carries no weight. Most men are stripped of about £20k by this point. I was lucky to realize it from the start

The mediation letters were sent to Lucy but she never responded. There ended the exploration of the toothless legal route. Thats how easy it is for a father to lose his child. We are powerless in the current system. There's almost nothing we can do. Except I'm not going to give up. I cannot give up. She's my only child.

2017 June

Im not sure of the exact month, but I am sure it was this year. I will update the date if later shown to be wrong. I decided to try and talk to Lucy once more. I took my friend Helen with me, who hoped to try and negotiate with Lucy if I was unable to. The door was never answered. Lucy repeatedly said 'go away' to the point Teagan started copying. She was nearly four. Lucy taught Teagan to tell her Dad to go away before she was even four. How is that in a child's best interest? Devastated I left. I never expected anything to happen, but sometimes you just have to chase pure hope. To this day I have never been back. I couldn't face being told to go away again by my own little girl. I am sure Teagan too will be devastated to find this out one day. And she will. I cant rest until she knows the truth.

2017 July

I try to go shopping for Teagan's fourth birthday presents. I have to ask the shop assistant what girls her age might like? As I am presented by the options of this strange request I finally break down. I leave the shop in tears, I cant do this torture anymore, especially since its almost certain Teagan will never see these presents anyway. It was indeed pure malice to allow me to shop for presents for a child I wasn't allowed to know anything about. And then to not even allow Teagan what I went through all that pain to get. Is this not the limit case of cruelty? Is this not pure evil? I cannot imagine what kind of person could do that.

I send a card with a futile message, knowing she would never get the card. Everything seems so pointless, but must be done anyway. I just have to live in hope and despair, there's no way round it.

2018 July

I send a card. Futile I know, but what can I do? As I reach the age of 50 with my health deteriorating, I realize I may never get to meet my daughter. This realization makes me more ill. I cant actually believe life is this cruel.

2019 July

I wont give up sending the pointless birthday cards, I may have sent Lucy a letter but was too demoralized at this point to record anything. Teagan is now six. I have missed so much and there is still no end to the wait in sight. Everyone tells me I just have to wait till Lucy comes to her senses, but that doesn't look like happening anytime soon.

2020 11th February

Right out of the blue I get a friend request on Facebook from Bradley Milner, Lucy's son. I was still recovering from the horrific assault last month, but my hopes were raised at this effort to communicate. But he said nothing. Here's what I typed:

Hello thanks for making contact

Would love to know something about my girl?

Its extremely hard living knowing nothing..

I really appreciate you making contact. I thought the person with best chance of doing the right thing would be you

I would do anything to make things right if given a chance that I never had

No reply at all and after forty minutes I was blocked and this remains to this day. What was the point of that? Just more malice at raising hopes and smashing them? I hope one day justice is done.

Since I was now familiar with the sheer cruelty of this family, I used the time to search through his photos and found a couple more pictures of Teagan. Luckily I was right about the cruelty and so got the pictures while I could. My health was really struggling now, I was not sure how much more of this I could take.

2020 July

Another pointless birthday card is sent. Strange thing to do when know it will be thrown away before Teagan ever sees it, but as ever, it must be done.

2020 September

Things go horribly wrong for me. I contract the cluster headache condition which is basically the most painful condition a human being can endure. Its also the most unliveable, with the illness having the nickname suicide headaches. There is no known cure, it can go on for years, or it can go on until you take your own life, which is what mostly happens. It nearly happened to me. There is no official cure and the medicines available do nothing to terminate the cluster attacks. I was on my own to find the answer. If I had lived a different life, here my story would have ended, and it would indeed have been the case that Teagan would never have got to meet her Dad. But through a stroke of luck I was able to stop the cluster attacks after about 2 weeks of intense suffering. That was my limit. How anyone can endure that for months or even years is beyond my comprehension.

Even though I had stopped the cluster attacks, I couldnt shake the cause which was manifest as a total inability to sleep. I sensed a disruption and inversion of the circadian rythmn. The doctors and even hospital had no clue what was going on. It's thankfully a rare condition.

2020 15th October

Having nearly died twice during the cluster headache incident and taking 6 weeks struggling to stay alive I decide to try to write to Lucy one more time. Literally begging her to allow me to see Teagan before I die. I was utterly dependent on sleeping pills to sleep so I had no idea if I would heal. The letter can be read if you click the button below:

The letter would have arrived on Saturday. The following Monday I got a Facebook friend request from an Amy Wieland. I had no idea who this was and nearly didn't accept the friend request. When I did accept, I got the following message:

"Hi Paul, I'm Teagan's Aunty. Lucy asked me to contact you and asked if she could have your phone number and I'll give it to her so you can talk about meeting teagan. Thanks Amy"

I was astonished. This is the first time anyone in Lucy's family has attempted to make genuine contact. Apparently there had been a family meeting as a result of my letter where it had been agreed that Teagan should see her Dad. Lucy asked Amy to get my phone number to discuss this decision. And to offer a chance at meeting my girl before I die? I could happily die if I had that. Just one real chance before my time was up. But at last, after 7 years, after all this time, there looked like a chance to meet my dear Teagan.

But alas all was not as it appeared. I should have known. Amy was genuine, and apparently there are elements of Lucy's family who think its wrong to steal a childs father for trivial unknown reasons. I gave Amy my phone number and awaited the call from Lucy. When Lucy finally called it wasn't to have a conversation with me. She simply stated that she was going to contact social services to move things forward and then hung up without giving me a chance to speak. Its not a social services issue. This was just another cruel trick. I couldn't believe Lucy would stoop this low, deceiving even her own sister in law.

Sister in law. Married to Lucy's brother. Suddenly the penny dropped. Lucy's brother would carry the family name I never knew. And Amy, by virtue of being married to her brother, would inherit that name. Amy's name, the brother's name, Teagan's name... they all had to be the same name. Wieland. My daughters name is Teagan Wieland! I had been holding the wrong domain name all these years! I immediately registered teaganwieland.com with maximum protections and for a very long time.

23rd November 2020

I feel sorry for Amy. She was actually genuine. After a couple of weeks of agonizing torture I finally got the confirmation call from Lucy that it was just another act of malicious cruelty. Same format as before. A short speech then hanging up without chance to reply. "I have decided its not in Teagan's best interest to see you at this time. You can see her when she's older.... if she wants to". And then immediately hung up. The words cut straight through me. Right there my soul broke, my heart broke, and my hopes broke. Exactly as she intended. The tone of malice at the end of her statement was astonishing. The "if she wants to" was sending me the clear message that she would be thoroughly conditioned not to want to see me. To take away even the hope of seeing her when she was older. To this day I have not recovered from that cruelest most malicious thing I ever heard in my life. The call lasted 22 seconds, and was made at 10:23am. There never was any social services contact. There never was any chance. Same as always.

I tried to make sense of what had happened. Only one pattern matched. This was an attempt to finish me off when I was most ill and vulnerable. Of course given the depth of Lucy's terrible deception, the only good outcome for her is if I could be pushed over the edge and died. The cold stark realization of this had a profound effect on me. I spent the next couple of weeks fiercely exercising and trying to fix my broken brain, and after I figured out the day/night lighting solution, I finally managed to heal. And at least I had Teagan's full name, and had secured the domain name. And even more importantly, a motivation like never before to learn the web skills I should have learned years ago.

I confess I was so rocked by what happened to me last few months combined with the unreal cruelty of Lucy that I was left in an unshakeable rage. Luckily I have learned that these energies are the strongest, and if they can only be diverted into something constructive, however difficult, then great things can be achieved. So everything had come together, the hand of fate had been played. I learned the four core languages that it takes to construct a modern database driven website. It took me about six weeks of intense learning and dedication to the task. Its amazing what a 53 year old brain can do when driven by a tortured heart. Its an astonishing achievment that gives me a glimmer of hope.

2020 December

Got the core of this site constructed. What makes this especially difficult is the logical mind is needed to learn and build, but the content is so emotional and traumatic. I have also had much criticism for doing this, but no alternatives have been offered. I learned to see things from a different perspective. All I care about now is the look in Teagan's eyes when she looks at me. I dont want her to see someone who did nothing, even if its the 'right' thing to (not) do. Whats the difference between doing nothing for the right reasons and doing nothing because couldn't be bothered? How sure could Teagan be which was which? No. I want her to know I did everything I reasonably could. I have paid a terrible price already, it is unthinkable to put myself in a situation where it looks like I was complicit with what Lucy has done.

There's more. Having stared death in the face three times this year there exists a very real possibility I may never meet Teagan. If that happened, there is no link to me or my family and Teagan could be fooled forever having to live a lie. That would be a kind of complicity with Lucy's goals. Unthinkable. I can only happily die if I am certain Teagan will one day know the truth, and this website, this record, is just that assurance. Secondly, should I be fortunate to live a while longer, the messaging section of this site represents the only chance Teagan may have to contact me. Any other way I could try to make contact against her mothers wishes would be illegal. This is a chance of the times, a chance for technology to do good, and must be taken.

The final motivator that made this site a certainty was the answer to a question Teagan may ask me one day. That question is "Dad if you have a computer degree, why didnt you try to make contact over the internet?" To have no good answer to that question would be unthinkable. And so my little angel, here is my answer to that inevitable question. And while I hardly know anything about my little girl at this point, I have heard on the grapevine that she does like technology. In a world where I know virtually nothing, that is an utter gem to build on.

A final note, that while not really a part of the history, but worthy of mention, is that im typing up this content on Christmas Eve. With my little girl taken from my life Christmas has no real meaning to me. I had been avoiding doing this content as was sure it would be traumatic. But the act of getting it down, of assuring the truth for my little girl, is the very best thing I could have done. This is her site after all, in her own name, and represents the greatest gift I have the power to give. Although you wont read these words till after the event, happy Christmas my beautiful girl x

2021 January

Just as the site was ready to launch together with its awareness campaign, the hand of fate struck a cruel blow. Lockdown. While this doesn't affect publication of the website, it does affect the awareness campaign drastically. The primary objective of this website is to make Teagan aware that it exists, and so a quiet release without the awareness fanfare is out of the question. I must wait out the lockdown to achieve maximum outdoor effect. A shame for poor Teagan. A computer literate Dad would have been so helpful during lockdown. All losses Teagan must suffer because of her mother's prejudice.

I realised I wasn't as ready as I had hoped. The site wording in each section needs to be perfect. And the van sign and card printing shops are all closed. I have to accept a significant delay till launch. I face the difficult decision whether to publish the site ahead of the Ashington awareness campaign or to wait until I can deliver both together for maximum effect. On the other hand a quiet launch will give me the freedom to make sure everything is working perfectly before promoting it. Promoting something which falls over immediately is a risk I can't afford to take.

2021 March 7th

Well the only way to stop the lockdown delay driving me mad was to pull away from the website and write a wonderful LED effect system instead. Actually turned out to be the best software system I ever wrote. One day soon perhaps Teagan will be able to see the pretty lights her Dad made.

2021 March 10th

Finally got the website transferred from my local machine to the internet. The hosting environment is subtly different and a small number of bugs had to be fixed that didn't exist on my local machine. So with everything ready I try one last attempt to avoid disrupting Teagan's life. I realise this offer is also a test that could prove beyond any doubt that Lucy is not acting in the best interests of Teagan. So I make the incredibly low ball offer of just 1 hour a month with my girl in exchange for leaving the lies as they are.

Luckily she never took it. I would have been deeply uncomfortable settling for a measly hour a month after all this pain and torment. I do worry about the impact such a shock will have on poor Teagan but since I dont know anything about her at all, for all I know she could be tough as nails. Here ironically my task is easier because of the thoroughness of Lucy's malice. Perhaps if I had known a little more, I wouldn't do what I must. But I don't, and so I will with clear conscience.

2021 March 15th

Today has been a day like no other. Teagan found one of her website magic tokens. I am told that Teagan is frightened of being kidnapped or something. Can a seven year old conceive of such a concept without prompting? And so now we see if Lucy will reassure Teagan that its only her loving father trying all he can to make contact. Or will she let her face nightmares rather than tell the truth? Which do you think would be in Teagan's best interest?

Someone spotted me putting the stickers up. The school wardens came out to try and take them all down. But they failed. She only needed to find one. Tonight for the first time in over 2200 days of torture, I will finally be able to sleep in peace. I am sure now it is only a matter of time before an innocent little girl is granted access to her slightly crazy but loving Dad x

2021 March 17th

I hadn't got to use my van signs. It was a sunny day. I badly needed some time in the sun for my mental health. I felt a warm glow inside at the thought my girl had discovered the link to her Dad. But had she? And at some point there will be comeback for my previous visit. If I am to go again, it needs to be soon. Today is that day. Perhaps not my best decision, but perhaps needed for my mental health, I go for the drive.

2021 March 18th

There is an unusual spike in website activity. It doesn't fit any of the previous patterns. Must be authorities on the case. Wrote an article for Teagan showing her the LED light effects I made for her. Just in time, there's a knock on the door and I am arrested for suspected stalking.

I'm treated well at the police station. I quickly realise the evidence is incredibly flimsy, and half the reason for the arrest is dismissed when four words were put back into the context from where they came. Just four words, from an entire website. Barrel scraping.

But there's a Gem sitting here. Right at the start of the interview I was informed that Teagan was my daughter, which filled my soul back up with the light I had been losing. I couldn't believe it. I co-operated best I could and prayed I would get something written down confirming I had a daughter.

2021 March 25th

Been a strange last few days. Some have been spent in unshakeable sadness, unable to stop crying all day. Then the struggle to get a grip the next day and ever deeper resolve having to be forged. I have nothing really left in the tank now, and also have to learn when to stop fighting for the cause. I lost track of my MOT running out and had to spend early part of week getting that done.

But this morning, a ray of hope arrived. It was simply the letter from the duty solicitor when i was arrested. There is so much in that letter that made me smile. So much in so few words. It is probably unwise to discuss the details at this time, but the major win is multiple confirmations Teagan is my daughter. I rush round to share this news with my Mum. I dare not dream of the significance of those words from such an official source. Proof is proof after all. This would have been at least half the battle. This must be significant somehow. And the allegation changed from that given when arrested. And need two months to try and think up something. All good signs they have nothing of consequence.

Can we start to dream? Could this story have a happy ending? Only time will tell. Now that everything is up to date, I think I need to take a break from updating the site, and until more relevant news arrives. It's just as well I have no dishonest intent as my duty to my daughter to record what happened as accurately as possible would leave me very exposed here. There's an expression which would fit so beautifully here, but I think it would be taken out of context and get me locked up :) I leave the reader to guess what that might be. You have to be careful what you say on these things.

2021 May 18th

Yesterday I got a phone call from Lucy's police telling me their friends have been unable to come up with any charges against me despite trying to make something up for the last two months. Their solution? To give themselves another month to try and invent something out of nothing. So this means another month of restrictions on me despite no evidence whatsoever of wrong doing on my part. Guilty until shown to be innocent. The standard inversion of the official illusion to the contrary. Standard British deception.

While disappointing that Teagan has to suffer a further month ban on being able to know her Dad, and on me for getting to know my only child, at least I can be confident that thus far they have no convincing evidence of any wrong doing on my part. I hope they find something to charge me with for whatever it is, it will provide the opportunity to put the real guilty party under cross examination and the judgement of the jury, and I am confident in which direction such a trial would go. And even if I lost whatever case, its all just badges of honour proving to Teagan that I did everything I could to be there for her. Another month also means Teagan will be a month older and therefore a month closer to comprehending the crimes of her mother. Another month closer to her asking the difficult questions that won't go away.

It is also very clear now that the important matter of the website legality, Teagan's only link to her real father and more than half of her family, seems to be beyond reasonable question and doubt. It would seem that the agents who support the cruel denial of children's fathers are scraping the barrel looking for something, anything, which can strengthen the sandcastle foundations of their case. Which of course I'm not going to give them.

2021 June 18th

So yesterday I got the phone call from Lucy's police confirming there are still no charges against me, and the automatic extension of bail conditions for another month. This means I have been bailed by a non-senior police officer for 4 months now. This is highly illegal. I have a very clear document from the government titled 'Policing and Crime Act 2017' which outlines the changes in law that were made to stop the police abusing their bail powers.

I see a double infringement here. Firstly only a senior police officer can extend bail to 3 months. My paperwork shows a mere constable took it upon herself to use such powers. But more critically, the police can only extend bail to 3 months maximum, beyond this requires authorization from a magistrate. If my bail letter does not contain such evidence, then it is clear the rules have been badly broken, and given the malice being shown by those clearly acting as a private security firm for Lucy, I will take maximum advantage out of this mistake.

So for another month I am not allowed to try and communicate with my only child. For no reason. This is unreasonable provocation. There is more I would like to say but I am going to have to check and confirm whether the Policing and Crime Act of 2017 applies to the private security firms for mothers who seek to deny a child of its natural father.

2021 July 14th

This was the worst of the pre-charge bail condition extensions to wait for because it would cover Teagan's 8th birthday. For the first time I was legally unable to wish my own daughter a happy birthday. For no reason given. When the call came there was even an extra provocation. An extra week was added to the extension. No progress update, no remorse for denying an innocent child access to her Dad on her birthday, and the extra week provocation. I didn't respond, I just hung up the phone since my participation in the call was obviously not required.

2021 July 20th

Instead of the usual police bail letter there is instead a letter from my solicitor instead. There is a critical wording change. Instead of the reason for the extension being waiting for a charging decision, the solicitor's letter cites the reason as awaiting a disposal decision. Clearly the police have been in contact with my solicitor and the information imparted resulted in this letter.

2021 July 23rd

Finally got the police bail extension letter. They have used their same old wording and not changed anything to reflect the different wording of the solicitors letter.

2021 July 24th

The first legally enforced blackout of Teagan's Dad on her birthday. Obviously a devastating day for me. I even got a message from Amy Wieland asking if I was doing ok. No news for me about Teagan's birthday, she is an active participant in the blackout. I can't take her concern seriously and so presume this was a remote attempt to destabilize me further. Later on while I was having a bath I got a phone call from the ambulance service asking if I needed an ambulance. Apparently the police had requested an ambulance for me. Luckily I made it through the day alive.

2021 August 24th

With no telephone call I finally had to attend the police station at the end of the five week bail extension. Fully expecting one of the disposal decision options I was stunned and relieved to find out they had decided to charge me! The police didn't appreciate my obvious relief at this surprise turnaround and so I kept silent as possible until they gave me the charge sheet and released me. They are charging me with one count of harrassing Lucy Milner. I cannot see how it can possibly stick from multiple angles but the result is not that important. The important thing is there will now be an official record that I am both Teagan's Dad and that I did everything I could to make contact with Teagan. Official records that Teagan will be able to find one day even if I do not live long enough to meet her. My court date has been set to 21st September.

2021 September 21st

Pleaded not guilty as promised. Couldn't have been any other way. Not guilty of any form of harassment unless the word itself has been made legally undefined. Which of course it has. Wildcard. Trial date set to 28th January 2022.

2022 January 20th

I have been unable to form a working relationship with my solicitor. Minimal communication and no discussion of a plan. In desperation I formally email my solicitor asking for the police who were present on 15th March 2020 at 3.05pm to be called as my witnesses. This police presence proved that The two people who claimed to have seen me were lying because the police present would have caught me immediately. It is because I didn't turn up as expected and Teagan found a sign under their noses that this prosection is being made. To this day I have not received any evidence the police were there, but I know they had to have been.

2022 January 27th

I finally get the evidence against me after close of business the night before the trial in the morning. Including the previously witheld evidence that the police were indeed present and therefore the police knew and and helped engineer the false sighting of me. Pure revenge for outsmarting them all and getting the message to my little girl. Feel free to challenge this accusation with your best lawyers. I have all the proof I need to back this claim.

2022 January 28th

It's trial day. To my astonishment a barrister turns up on behalf of my solicitor. I had no communication with them prior to the trial since requesting the evidence against me so that I may exercise my right to respond. I have had to rush prepare my own defence and am in no state to change plans now. I get my barrister to apply for an adjournment so that I may be allowed to present my defence. Request denied. I have to sack the barrister due to no confidence in who she was representing. I'm not allowed to present my defence documents. I'm not allowed to defend myself. I'm steam rollered over. The fact that Lucy's statement was full of lies was irrelevant to them. The false sightings of me were irrelevant. No evidence of harassment was shown to me. The word with which I am charged is legally undefined. It can mean anything the prosecution want it to mean. Apparently three reasonable people simply had to determine if my behaviour was a little unusual or not without needing or wanting to know any of the background circumstances. Impossible to defend against. It was astonishing to see how corrupt things have become. I told nothing but the truth, and my opponents told nothing but lies. Lies won the day. Guilty. I have been ordered to appear at Brighton courts on 30th March for sentencing. As with all my evidence, the doctors note I have stating I cannot go to Brighton was ignored.

2022 March 16th

Probation meeting to allow preparation of pre-sentencing report. I had to fight to change from a telephone interview to a face to face meeting. This was critical. The extraordinary circusmtances and brutal cruelty of Lucy Milner would not have been believed over the phone. Probation had to see the evidence to prove the otherwise extraordinary claims. At last my defence evidence that was supressed at court now gets to be examined. It's thorough. Every last detail and all of it backed with evidence. I gain some trust as a result of being listened to about the circumstances. I hope it is not misplaced. I point out that I have a doctor's letter stating that I cannot go to Brighton for sentencing. I send a copy of the doctor's letter to my probation officer.